


You're All My Nights

by wasp



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 00:57:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2753624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasp/pseuds/wasp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Zayn said," Liam starts and has to swallow hard, his voice wavering.</p><p>"What?" Louis asks, suddenly filled with dread.</p><p>"He said I looked like him, a bit, I could - " Liam cuts himself off and bites at the plump of his bottom lip. Louis blinks down, startled momentarily at how close they've gotten. "You could pretend."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Alright, I’ll see you later, babe,” Louis says easily, nodding along to his boyfriend’s rushed little goodbye. He tilts his head up to give him a quick kiss.  
  
Lee makes this weird shape with his thick eyebrows. Louis hasn’t got around to figuring out all the shapes yet, he doesn’t know what it means, just that it looks cute. His eyebrows mostly convey fondness at Louis more than anything else. Louis smiles back. Lee turns around once he’s outside the shop, peering at Louis through the glass window. Louis waves at him a bit and he almost drops his cup of coffee trying to wave back.  
  
It’s one of his favourite things about Lee so far, he really gets into whatever he’s doing, whether it’s playing football or fucking Louis into the mattress. He’s like a huge, over-eager puppy of a human being. Who happens to not possess a gag reflex. Who also fucks like a champion and makes Louis worry about throwing his back out on his cheap Ikea bed frame. Louis sighs, he’s pretty much _perfect._  
  
“You _do_  realise what you’re doing, right?” Zayn asks calmly, taking a sip of his coffee.   
  
Louis is abruptly brought down back to earth. Zayn called him because he was apparently just hanging around Louis’ campus and wanted to catch up for a coffee. Louis was all for attending his lecture (he wasn’t) but walked over to the coffee shop with Lee instead to meet him. Lee didn’t stay for long, they’d already spent the whole night at Louis’ apartment anyway and he happened to be the type to attend his lectures.  
  
Louis suddenly feels _wary_  to be left alone with Zayn. He hasn’t been doing anything so far but raising his eyebrows and making beautiful, meaningful faces at Louis behind Lee. Louis squints at him over the rim of his cup, taking a loud, noisy sip of his tea. There are definitely ulterior motives here - Zayn does not get up before 12pm just to hang around Louis’ campus and go for a coffee.   
  
“What am I doing?” Louis asks as obliviously as he can.   
  
He turns away from Zayn to watch Lee through the glass for another second. He has a nice back, broad shoulders too, not much of an arse but. They’re a couple, a _team_ , Louis thinks he has that bit covered. He’s swallowed up by the crowd and Louis has no choice but to turn back to Zayn.   
  
Zayn knows Louis too well. It’s a real pain in the arse even if it means Zayn usually keeps him from doing something that’s really fucking stupid and capable of destroying his life too badly. He’s like a time traveller, he has the power of hindsight - something Louis is severely lacking in. He’s saved his arse more than he could count.  
  
"Even his  _name's_ the same this time," Zayn groans, rubbing a hand across his face in dismay. He doesn't sound so calm any more, like he's above this, he sounds tired and soft and worried.   
  
"I have absolutely no clue what you're going on about," Louis says loftily, playing with his cup. "You've gone mad. Too much caffiene, I'm assuming. It's all very sad."  
  
"Shut up, Louis," Zayn says in exasperation because he  _knows_ Louis.   
  
Louis is getting all rambly, trying to distract Zayn so he won't zero in on that one thing Louis happens to be in denial about. Sometimes Louis doesn't know what he's been doing until Zayn points it out, like in their first year before Zayn dropped out, when he told him he was the one making Liam miserable.  
  
Terrible mate, honestly.  
  
"It's the caffeine talking," Louis says, jumping in even quicker. "I should stage an intervention. Lee, who happens to be my boyfriend and share a common name with a lot of people including the guy who directed the movie Harry made us watch about the cute kid and the tiger, could possibly handle the responsibility of making the banners.”  
  
"This is, like, the third one," Zayn says, ignoring him completely. He's being that particular mixture of all-knowing that comes with condescending, wrapped in genuine concern and sympathy.  
  
Zayn is Zayn, without Zayn, everyone would fall apart, the whole world would fall apart - probably. Louis doesn't want to be left alone with him, not know, if he can run away he's going to try.    
  
"The third consequtive movie Harry had us watch that bored the tits off everyone?" Louis says in an instant.  
  
"The third one of your boyfriends who happen to look just a little bit too much like Liam," Zayn says, deadpan, and it kind of shocks Louis, which is stupid, because he knew something like this was coming all along. He didn't think he'd come right out and just say it, though. "It's _kind_ of worrying."  
  
"I have no clue as to -" Louis starts to say.  
  
"Oh, drop it," Zayn says, rubbing tiredly at the bridge of his nose. "I love you, man," he says and he looks at Louis again with wide, soft eyes. It makes a lump pop up in Louis' throat almost immediately and he feels a bit shit about himself in general. Which isn't a thing that should happen when people tell him they love him but it happens surprisingly often.  
  
"It's not very healthy, okay, like, you're in love with Liam and he's with Sophia and I know it's not ideal, bro, it's a horrible fucking situation, yeah? I get that. But, you can't keep doing this. I don't even _know_ where you're finding all these dopplegangers."  
  
"I have a secret lab," Louis says past the lump in his throat, because he has nothing else to offer. And then he remembers he has, and always will have, denial. "And that is _rubbish_. I'm not in love with anyone but if Lee sticks around, who knows what will happen. And Liam? Liam's my best mate. We share a flat. That - that's ridiculous, that is."  
  
Zayn just kind of keeps looking at him, twisting the engagement ring on his finger.  
  
"I'm not making doppelgangers of Liam in my secret lab, Zayn, don't be outrageous! What are you putting in your coffee? Hard drugs, Zayn? _Hard drugs?"_  
  
 _"_ You know Niall accidentally called Lee Liam the other day?" Zayn asks, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"They look nothing alike."  
  
Zayn makes a motion with his fingers indicating eyebrows and straightens his posture out, broadening his shoulders and makes a dopey kind of face.   
  
"They just have the same hair cut. And the eyebrow thing, and a strong jaw and and broad shoulders and big arms. Do you know how many people that could describe?"  
  
"Right," Zayn says dubiously, falling back into his own self.  
  
"You know, I never did like you at the start,” Louis says huffily, crossing his arms. He feels hot all of a sudden.  
  
"Me neither."  
  
"I was kidding," Louis says, rolling his eyes. He was more intimidated than anything. His _face_.  
  
"Well I genuinely thought you were a cunt," Zayn says with a shrug and gets up to pay for Louis' tea.  
  
"Hey!"  


~

  
  
Louis finds that going home and moping about everyhting in his life a better option than having to deal with whatever nonsense drama Zayn is trying to stir up. Louis is happy with Lee and his more than satisfactory cock and so far, Lee seems pretty chuffed with Louis as well. Liam is happy with his new lady friend, over the fucking _moon_ , because she’s so pretty and pleasant and posh. It’s all good, there’s nothing to stir up.  
  
He’s still lying face down on the couch contemplating the meaning of his entire existence when Liam comes home.  
  
"Hey, what's up?" Liam asks, sitting on the couch and trying to dig him out of it. Louis refuses to resurface. He's made a very nice and comfortable Louis sized shape indent on the couch and he's determined to stay there.  
  
"Nothing," Louis mumbles into the couch cushion currently making acquaintance with his face and that makes Liam finally haul him up into a sitting position.  
  
"Do you need a cuddle?" Liam asks.  
  
Louis' head snaps up and he glares at Liam treating him as if he's a _child_ , like he's throwing a _tantrum_ , like it could be solved by a fucking _cuddle_. And then Liam smiles at him, all fond and Liam-ey, with his eyes going all squinty and lovely and Louis grumpily says, "Yes."  
  
Liam sits back on the couch, lifting an arm out for Louis to tuck himself in. Louis makes a face the whole time he settles down, leaning into Liam's side and wrapping his arms around his waist. Liam tightens his arm around him, rubbing at his arms a bit and lets him stew for a little bit.  
  
"What's wrong?" he finally asks while Louis tries not to fall asleep. He can’t help it, Liam’s always so warm and comfortable.  
  
"Zayn," Louis says tiredly. "He might be doing hard drugs."  
  
"That's slander. And not very nice," Liam says. "Have you guys been watching Breaking Bad without me?” He sounds sad and betrayed.  
  
“Maybe. No. I miss the days you thought weed was hard drugs. Does Lee remind you of anyone?"  
  
"Lee?" Liam asks, his body stiffening. Louis makes a disapproving noise and pokes him in the ribs. Liam clears his throat and relaxes again. "No, not really."  
  
"This is why I like you," Louis says, trying to pinch his nipple. Classic.   
  
"I like you too," Liam says simply and grins, dodging the pinch and jumping off the couch to put the groceries away.  
  
And then Lee comes over again to stay the night and Louis tries his best to forgot Zayn’s said anything at all. They fuck with Louis’ face pressed up against a pillow, trying to muffle the noises Lee’s fucking out of him because Liam’s home and he’s being considerate while his _boyfriend_  fucks him in half. Lee kisses the junction where his shoulder meets his neck, nuzzling up towards his ear and when Louis reaches back to feel the buzz of his hair against his palm, he tries not to think at all.  


~

  
  
Louis met Liam in his first year of uni. He couldn’t afford to live anywhere but in a house a fair bit from campus, sharing with seven other people. It was chaos from the very start. It was a mix of girls and boys and there was simply just too many people. The house is where he met Zayn as well. They lived together for their first year before he decided uni wasn’t for him and dropped out to follow his other pursuits. Louis doesn’t keep in touch with his other housemates besides Liam and Zayn anymore. They’ve all separated, gone off to do their own things but he will always remember his first year at uni, first year of living away from home, with fond memories.   
  
From the very start, Liam seemed to really hate him. That was the vibe Louis was picking up from him anyway. Liam never actually did anything spiteful or go out of his way to make trouble for Louis. He didn’t hide all of his clean pants in the attic or put food colouring in his specially labelled skim milk or try to get him to wet the bed by dipping his finger in warm water when he was sleep. Louis did though.   
  
They were like cats and dogs from the beginning. Louis wanted so desperately to get under his skin, phase him. Liam acted like he was too good for Louis, like Louis wasn’t enough for precious Liam fucking Payne with his curls and boopy noise. He seemed to get along with everyone, especially Zayn, but Louis.   
  
It wasn’t until Zayn told him about how he was bullied all throughout secondary school and to fucking quit it before Louis could see how his actions were kind of incredibly dick-ish. Then it all clicked into place, he actually had a _conversation_  with Liam that didn’t end up with the both of them in a state. They could’ve sorted it out quicker if they’d pulled their heads out of their arses. The first half of their year was stressful enough with the sudden work load and the parties and the homesickness without the two of them battling it out every second chance they got.  
  
It took a while but they became friends, best friends, almost inseparably now. Louis thinks this is what everyone must be talking about when they say you make friends for life at university. Because Liam’s warm and kind and good and he loves him. He couldn’t think of a situation where Louis wouldn’t be there for Liam, ever. He tells this as much to Liam, once, when he’s very very drunk and Liam just grins at him hopelessly, his eyes squinting from the force of it and wraps Louis up into one of his bear hugs that feel the best.  


~

  
  
So Zayn _might_  be right and Louis _might_  be dating boys who look like Liam. It didn’t really occur to him. He reasons it’s not that big of a deal since they never work out anyway.   
  
There was Johnny, who was extremely kind and patient and too good for Louis anyway. Louis left him on their six month anniversary when Danielle broke up with Liam. They had been going out for four _years_ , they’d been through thick and thin together, they made it work until they couldn’t anymore.  
  
For Louis, six month was an awfully long time. Half-year anniversaries were stupid in his opinion but he’d never had a reason to celebrate it before. He wasn’t thinking about any of that when he left the restaurant mid-way to go pick Liam up from their local pub. He was so drunk and sad when Louis was trying to persuade him to come home. He didn’t cry but his eyes were red and he kept rubbing at them like a little kid. He sat in the bath tub fully clothed with the shower running until Louis tried to haul him out. He had his hands under Liam’s armpit, ready to lift when Liam asked in a quiet voice if he could stay for a bit. It broke Louis’ heart. He settled down behind him, he stayed.  
  
Maybe it was because it wasn’t Zayn or anyone else that Liam had called, it was _Louis_ , maybe that’s why he didn’t hesitate for a moment to get to him. It wasn’t the first time but he made sure it was the last time Johnny would have to put up with it. Louis broke up with him because Johnny wasn’t going to do it himself.   


~

  
  
But it wasn’t always Louis who had to break it off. Things kept happening.   
  
“You’re sticky and smelly and drunk.”  
  
"You're the one who fell asleep on the couch, the couch is in the communal area," Louis slurs defensively, furrowing himself in between the back of the couch and Liam’s side. He sighs happily when he’s comfortably fit into his side.  
  
“How was the concert?” Liam asks, sighing in a long suffering way. Louis pokes him in the abs because cuddling Louis should be a goddamn privilege. Liam put his arm around him in consolation. He tugs the blanket out from underneath Louis and throws it over the both of them.  
  
"It was amazing. Harry cried," Louis says, yawning into Liam's neck. A shiver runs through Liam’s body and Louis frowns, wrapping himself around him better. He can’t feel the cold because there’s more alcohol in his veins than blood but it must be freezing out in the living room. He nuzzles against his neck, trying to get comfortable before he passes out.  
  
"Of course he did," Liam says, stilling. He pauses for a moment and Louis closes his eyes, ready to fall asleep. "You have a perfectly good bed in your room. I know because I helped you put it together and by helped I mean I did most of the work while you lost all the important bolts."  
  
"You're the idiot on the couch, did you really think I'd make it to my room when I got home?" Louis says, starting to fall asleep. Liam doesn’t respond and Louis thinks _a-ha!_    
  
It's true though, he's sticky and sweaty and probably smelly but Liam lets him cuddle into his side anyway and just makes a  non committed noise in the back of his throat.  
  
Louis pats his chest, palm right over his heart, in a  _there there_ gesture because Louis is always right, Liam should really get over it. He leaves his hand there, over the steady beat of liam's heart and goes to sleep.  
  
He woke up to find Minho standing there with his arms crossed, glaring daggers at the both of them. He has the eyebrows and the arms and it’s working out for him. Louis forgot his key at his house that one time and he thought it was a romantic gesture after a stupid fight and Louis didn't bother correcting him or asking for it back. He feels maybe he should have. He blinks blearily, hungover and bloated and not exactly feeling like he's at his peak. He's struggled out of his trousers in his sleep, one leg is still hanging off an ankle. He managed to get out of his jacket but his shirt is ridden up and Liam has a hand casually resting on his belly.   
  
"What the fuck, Louis,” Minho spits out.  
  
Liam wakes up then, almost falls off the couch when he sees Minho standing there.  
  
"Morning," Liam says, wide-eyed. He’s not battling a hang over and can seem to make noises with his mouth.   
  
"You can't be fucking serious,” Minho says.   
  
He looks between the two of them pointedly. Liam snatches his hand away and does actually fall off the couch this time, taking the blanket with him. Louis has morning wood but that's, like, normal. It happens very frequently, Minho doesn’t have to narrow his eyes at him like that. But he’s only in his pants and it's not helping this situation at all.  
  
"Ow," Liam says from the floor.   
  
Louis sits up, his head spins and his dry mouth floods with saliva. He fights the urge to puke and opens his mouth to say, "I know what you're thinking but this isn't what it -"  
  
"THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE?” Minho shouts and Louis shrivels up on the spot because, yeah, that was a shitty phrase to use.  
  
"I knew something was going on. I’m a fucking idiot, I should've listened to my gut,” Minho says, eyebrows furrowed.  
  
He uncrosses his arm and throws the key at Louis. Louis can’t do anything but watch it happen. It bounces off his forehead. Louis doesn’t think he could make his reflexes work if he tried. He’s hungover and he wants to go back to sleep for five hours and then take a nice long shower and then order in take away. He’s not equipped to deal with screaming supposed-to-be-one-night stands and fucking morning wood.  
  
“Minho, listen! It’s just a misunderstanding - we fell asleep,” Liam starts to say from the floor.  
  
“Fuck you both,” he snarls and slams the door on the way out.  
  
“Well,” Louis says. He collapses back against the sofa and shields his eyes with his arm. “Help me, I’m dying.”  
  
"Aren't you going to go after him?" Liam asks, getting up and making our as if he's half-about to do it himself.  
  
"If it was meant to be, he'll come back," Louis says sagely. It doesn't come out as all-knowing and wise. He sounds like a dick. A really hungover dick.  
  
"Shit, I'm sorry," Liam says, throwing the blanket over Louis.  
  
Louis opens his eyes blearily and says, "For what?"  
  
Liam sighs and goes into the kitchen to make tea. Louis pulls the blanket over his head, takes in a huge breath and takes in the comforting smell of their fabric softener. It always reminds him of Liam because it's an extra step Louis usually can't be bothered with. He goes back to sleep.  
  
He feels worse when he wakes up again. Minho doesn’t take his calls and Louis stops trying.  


~

  
  
The night after Lee sleeps over again, Louis wakes up entirely sated and alone. He gropes around uselessly for a while before he rolls out of bed, catching himself on his feet and staggering to a stand. He pulls on a t-shirt, he doesn't know who it belongs to (it's definitely Liam's) and his pants before he walks out of his room, rubbing blearily at his eyes. He sees a figure standing against the kitchen counter, cutting up some fruit and he's tall, filling out that t-shirt he's wearing and Louis shuffles over to wrap his arms around his waist from the back, resting his cheek against his shoulder.  
  
He’s still sleep-stupid doesn't know entirely who he’s expecting.   
  
"Hey," Lee says, putting the knife down and turning around. He gets his arms around Louis and pulls him in closer, dropping a kiss on Louis' upturned cheek. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
Louis isn't disappointed. The thing is, he really fucking isn't. Who the fuck else would he have wanted it to be than his boyfriend. He makes a weird snuffling noise in the back of his throat and hides his face against his neck. Lee laughs, as if it's just Louis being sleepy and dumb as usual in the mornings, and rubs a soothing hand down his back that does nothing to subdue the guilt coursing through his veins.  
  
"Liam went to the gym but he said I could use anything I wanted to make breakfast," Lee says, finally dislodging Louis from his place of denial and going back to cutting fruit.  
  
"And you're cutting up _fruit_?" Louis asks, poking him in the side hard.  
  
"I'm making a smoothie," Lee says, smiling earnestly.  
  
Louis huffs out a laughter in disbelief and goes to have a shower to see if he can wash this feeling of disappointment off manually. They spend the morning eating the fry up Lee so graciously makes for Louis and watching weird day time telly before Louis climbs into his lap and rides him on the couch, closing his eyes. He’s gone by the time Liam comes home.  


~

  
  
Zayn brings Harry into it.   
  
It's never good news when Zayn brings Harry into it.  
  
They're sitting at the same coffee shop but it's just the three of them this time. Louis is currently staring down morosely at the tea Zayn kindly bought him before destroying his life a bit more.  
  
"What's the matter?" Harry asks, putting his chin on the table so he can peer into Louis' face, all genuine concern and worry, the kind that makes Louis feel bad because he’s the one who inspired it.  
  
"The thing is," Zayn starts until Louis elbows him in the side.  
  
"Is it James? Did he do something? Did he _hurt_ you? Are we killing James?" Harry asks, banging his fist on the table. It's more of a soft thump but it makes Louis finally look up from his coffee, the corner of his mouth tilting up.  
  
"We're past James, James is gone," Zayn says, waving his hand as if he's of no importance.  
  
"I'm dating Lee, Harold, do try to keep up. Just because you've been in a terrifyingly long monogamous relationship for like a whole year and a half," Louis says, kicking his shin. He feels bad about it but also better.  
  
"The one Niall thought was Liam?" Harry asks, belatedly adds, "Ow, heyyy."  
  
"Yes, that one," Zayn says and snaps his fingers excitedly, as if he thinks Harry's caught on to the dilemma - which Louis still refuses to believe is a dilemma.  
  
"Are we killing Lee?" Harry asks in a whisper, leaning forward towards the both of them.  
  
Zayn's face falls dramatically. He puts his face in his hands. Louis pats his back and shakes his head at Harry from behind him as if he’s the one causing Zayn all of this pain and misery. He has enough on his plate planning a fucking wedding on such a small budget, Louis tries to convey to his face to Harry. Harry looks cowed.   
  
"Okay, the point I was trying to make was - hey, remember when you were all sad and pining over Niall like a Christmas tree?" Zayn asks, lifting his head.  
  
"Vaguely," Harry says like he didn't spend ages writing terrible song lyrics about Niall's bleached blond hair.  
  
"Well, remember that girl? Sarah?" Zayn says, snapping his fingers again.  
  
"Umm," Harry says, squinting. Louis snorts.  
  
"She looked nothing like Niall, she was American for god's sakes," Zayn says and Harry finally nods. "But she had the _exact_ same laugh as Niall, to the point it was a bit creepy, and you dated her for like three months?"  
  
"Wait," Harry says slowly. "I don't think that's the reason I dated her. She was nice."  
  
"She hated all your indie shit and made fun of your shoes," Zayn says.   
  
"I remember her being really nice," Harry says decisively and smiles at Zayn because he can be like that sometimes.   
  
"Am I the only one here with a working memory? A working brain?" Zayn asks the air even though he knows Harry well enough to recognise the shit he’s pulling.   
  
Harry ignores the both of them to start texting away on his phone, smiling soppily. Louis pulls a face at him. He’s oblivious to it as well as the look of despair Zayn’s giving him for letting him down like this. Zayn’s face doesn’t let up even if he flashes his screen momentarily in front of both their faces to show them the sneaky pic Niall’s taken of in class. It’s a stupid selfie with a girl in the background caught picking her nose. Harry laughs to himself.   
  
"Harry," Zayn says and Harry returns to their realm.  
  
"What's up?" he says, blinking innocently.   
  
"We have a problem, buddy. Louis keeps dating guys who remind him of Liam while still living with Liam."  
  
"Oh, _that_. That's terrible, that is," Harry says, switching on again and looking slightly ashamed when Louis shoots him a betrayed look.  
  
"It's not a _thing_ ," Louis insists, "it just happened. It’s not a _problem_ , everything's fucking fine, okay?"  
  
"We're just trying to help - I want you to be happy," Zayn says.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. My life is a mess, who’s surprised?" Louis finally lets up. Harry leans over to smack a loud kiss him on his forehead.   
  
"I'll figure it out. Just keep schtum about it for now, yeah?"  


~

  
  
They went to buy a bed from Ikea for Louis when he finally got sick of sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Liam came with him and helped him pick out the cheapest one that seemed like it wouldn’t collapse in the next six months. They lugged it back home and it was like an unspoken agreement that Liam would help Louis put it together. It was also unspoken that Louis would mostly roll around on the ground while Liam read all the instructions very carefully and separated all the bolts into neat little piles.   
  
"It's not that bloody hard, is it? Just shove the bits into the holes, if it fits it fits," Louis says, rolling over to Liam and pushing his head onto his lap so he crushes the instructions under his head and Liam's looking down at him instead.  
  
"Is that your philosophy for everything?" Liam asks but there's no real bite, just a soft, fond smile.  
  
" _Oi_ ," Louis says, springing up to push him back onto his back.   
  
They managed to get the bed together - Liam mostly. They both jump on it when they finish it up with a mattress. It squeaks dangerously before it settles. Louis splays out his arm in triumph, hitting Liam in the face with his hand and smiling when he feels the shape of his mouth curve into a grin,contrary to his indignant, "ow!"  
  
It’s one of his favourite memories in his flat. They kept the radio on and sang the bits of songs they knew for the whole afternoon and he fell asleep for the first time in his new bed with Liam besides him.  
  
Louis doesn’t understand how he didn’t realise.  


~

  
  
Lee wants to bring Louis to his friend's party and he says yes because it's a thing they're doing now, apparently. Louis doesn’t hang out with a lot of Lee’s friends, he’s always the one hanging out with them. It’s not that he doesn’t like them, it’s just that he has his own friends who don’t make him feel weird and inadequate because they’ve already seen the shittiest sides of him and they still want to keep him. He thinks he might be getting _old_ which is pretty much his worst nightmare.  
  
But. Liam's on shaky ground with Sophia and he's upset and refuses to talk about it so Louis _has_ to drag him out with him. When Zayn finds out about this, he insists on coming along since he somehow knows almost everyone in the area any way and brings Perrie for back up because she's his rock and they're getting married and he wants everyone to know that too. Harry and Niall didn't want to come before they realised they'd been left out and then demanded they be invited too.  
  
They all end up going to the party.  
  
Louis starts drinking pretty early on. It's the only way he can escape from this terrible idea. All of his friends are meeting Lee’s friends. It’s like they’re real. And besides, he can't seem to coerce Liam into drinking and it's made him all grumpy, drinking his share while Liam continues to look sad and hopeless.  
  
"Cheer up, Payno," Louis says loudly, trying to knuckle his chin and missing, thumb grazing over his lips instead. "Aw, c'mon," Louis says softer when Liam tries to pull away. Louis lowers his voice because he knows he has a tendency to make a scene and it wasn't his intention, to get everyone to look this way when Liam's looking this sad and vulnerable. "I'm just trying to make you feel better."  
  
"I know," Liam says, gently steadying him. "It's fine."  
  
"I'm sure you guys can work it out. Just talk to her, man, tell her you love her and need her and stuff. Let it come from," Louis pauses and jabs at Liam's heart. Liam winces at how hard he pokes him and so Louis covers it with his palm and rubs it a bit, distracted.  
  
Liam grabs his wrist and pulls it away but not before stroking his thumb over his pulse point as if to reassure him, "Alright, I'll do that. Think you should get some water, Lou."  
  
"Hmm? Of course," Louis says and strolls away before he gets distracted at the way Perrie and Zayn are dancing, stupidly slow to an upbeat song, murmuring to each other in a sickening fashion.   
  
It's all a blur, between now and then, and he thinks he must have started drinking again. He walks back into the kitchen and he's thinking of what Liam said, to get some water, and that's the only reason it happens.  
  
Because he sees him, his back towards Louis, talking to Harry, and he walks up over to him. He doesn't want him to be so sad. Louis reaches for him, turning him around to kiss him. When he opens his eyes and the haze recedes a bit he realises it’s Lee. Of course it’s Lee. He circles his arms around his neck and thanks the heavens he hadn’t mistaken him for Liam.   
  
“Someone’s having fun,” Lee says with a smile, pulling him in close so Louis can slump all over him, resting his face against his shoulder. “C’mon, let’s put you to bed.”  
  
“Alright,” Louis says quietly because he’s drunk and his heart hurts.   


~

  
  
Zayn takes him out to lunch because his art installations are taking off like crazy and even if Louis is an idiot, he’s still the best man. He waits until Louis’ enjoying his free meal before he says, “Sophia broke it off with Liam last night.”  
  
Louis, predictably - Zayn’s a fucking asshole - chokes. He feels like an  _idiot_  for having dragged him out to a party like that.   
  
“What do you mean?” Louis asks. He walked in on them going at it only a week ago, Sophia’s panties hanging off her ankle, Liam pressing her up against the wall.  
  
“Liam said he asked her if they could be more than, y’know, fucking like rabbits, and she broke it off,” Zayn says.   
  
“Oh man,” Louis says, rubbing at his face. “He’s been trying this whole time.”  
  
"Don’t know what the fuck he was thinking, he’s not the type to be friends with benefits. Like, she made it clear what she wanted from the beginning, can’t fault her for that, but _Liam,_ ” Zayn says, shaking his head.  
  
Louis thinks he can understand. He hasn’t had much luck in relationships. He’s spent so much of his early life, all throughout uni, finding himself in relation to another person, Danielle, that he has no idea how to do this. And the fact one of his childhood best friends started going out with Danielle didn’t help either. Louis quite likes Ms Steal Yo Girl, who doesn’t like Jade, but it did end up being quite a surprise.  
  
“Why the hell didn’t he tell me?” Louis asks, suddenly wounded.   
  
“I dunno,” Zayn says, shrugging. He’s not very convincing, he probably does know. “Maybe it was embarrassing,” he offers.  
  
“I’m his -,” Louis doesn’t know how he was going to end that. Best mate? Room mate? Non-romantic life partner?  
  
“You know how he gets,” Zayn says, seeming to take pity on Louis. “He probably got a bit embarrassed. It’s not like you’ve never not had what you wanted, you sink your claws in and don’t let go."  
  
“That’s not true,” Louis mumbles under his breath because there were _plenty_  of things. Maybe his mum’s second marriage working out. Lottie to be asked out by that little douchebag down the street. To get into his first choice of uni. Liam.  
  
“He told you - it’s not like you’ve never _not_  got anyone you wanted either,” Louis says.  
  
“Yeah, but that’s because of,” Zayn gestures vaguely at his face. He gives Louis a pointed look, “you’re pure skill, mate.”  
  
“Fair enough, thanks,” Louis says, reaching over for a fist bump.   
  
There’s a beat.  
  
“Wait,” Louis says, narrowing his eyes. “Fuck you."  


~

  
  
Lee comes around a lot. Louis doesn't go to his flat too often, he doesn't really want to figure out why but he prefers staying at his own place. It's logical. Kind of. Louis knows Zayn would have another theory but it’s just _comfortable_. Lee has a drawer at his place for Louis and Louis tried to make an effort and leave a few things behind but it's just not the same. Lee doesn't seem to mind.  
  
Lee's shirtless, lying back on Louis' bed with his knees bent over the side, a book held above his head. Louis doesn't know what he's reading, he doesn't know what kind of books he likes to read. He has a no books in bed policy though, one he hasn't been able to implement for a while because no one stuck around long enough to pull out books in his bed. He has no choice but to climb into his lap and pluck it out of his grasp, not even bothering to book mark it before tossing it over his shoulder.  
  
"Honestly," Louis says, hovering over him. Lee has a lovely fond smile on his face. "What do you think this is? You're shirtless in my bed and _reading_? I'm offended."  
  
"No book could compete with you," Lee says, adds with a shit eating grin, " _darling_."  
  
Louis grins because it's moments like this that he thinks _yes_ , he can do this, Zayn's wrong, everything's fine. He leans down to kiss Lee. Lee starts to unbutton Louis' shirt, murmuring something about how he should even the playing field and Louis makes a sound of agreement, nipping at his bottom lip and arching into him.  
  
That's when there's a hurried knock and the door to his room opens quite suddenly. Liam walks in, looking down at his phone, "Louis, you’re mum sent me this -"  
  
Louis twisted around, Lee's hands still firm at his hips. He's suddenly self-conscious of his swollen lips and the flush spreading down his chest. It's the middle of the day, Louis realises, Liam probably didn't think he was getting it in with his boyfriend when he came barging in.  
  
"Oh," Liam says. He blinks, takes a step back and regroups, "Oh shit. Sorry. I didn't mean to - it’s just chickens, she sent me a pic of her chickens and I didn’t know if she accidentally sent it to me instead of you or she wanted me to see the new chicks anyway - I'll go, I'm going," Liam says and turns back around, hitting his shoulder against the doorway.   
  
“Chickens?” Louis asks, starting to cackle because Liam’s ears have gone bright red.   
  
Liam turns back around for a second, making eye-contact while Lee goes back to sucking a hickey at his neck and shuts the door behind him with another _sorry_.   
  
The door closes behind him and Louis needs a second to clear his head. Lee flips them over easily, landing between Louis' legs and kissing down his chest.  
  
"Are we trying to be quiet then?" he asks, smiling into Louis' skin. He unbuttons Louis' trousers and pulls them down along with his pants.  
  
The thought of Liam being able to hear them makes his cock jump and he has to muffle the noises escaping his mouth as Lee takes him in his mouth.  


~

  
  
They’re getting their suits fitted for the wedding when Zayn suddenly grabs his wrist. He pulls it up to their eye level and pulls his sleeve down. “Do you remember when you broke your wrist at that festival?” Zayn asks, running his thumb nail against the scar.  
  
“Somewhat,” Louis says, eyes narrowing in suspicion.  
  
“And you thought taking three more pills as a form of medication would be ideal?” Zayn continues, tightening his fingers a little bit around his wrist. Louis knows better than to pull away.  
  
“Oh, yeah,” Louis says.  
  
He remembers Zayn pulling him into the med tent, all gentle and careful and calm - the best person to have in an emergency. They told him it was probably broken and asked if he wanted to get into an ambulance and go home. It was barely the end of the first day, he didn’t want to leave all his friend behind. He was so sure it was only a fracture until he got back and had to get his broken wrist _bolted_  together. He was already high enough not to feel too much pain so they put it in a sling and off he went.   
  
“And then Liamtook you home while you were tripping balls and looked after you?” Zayn asks, giving Louis a meaningful look. Louis doesn’t know what he’s trying to imply here. He doesn’t know how much more of Zayn’s all-knowing looks he can take. He wishes he’d focus less on Louis’ mess and more on his goddamn wedding.  
  
“What did I do?” Liam asks, appearing out of the changing room.  
  
Louis stares at him in a daze for a moment. He snaps himself out of it, surprised Zayn hasn’t said anything about Louis’ cow eyes over Liam or something. When he looks at Zayn he’s grinning wide himself, staring at Liam fondly.  
  
“Bro, you look amazing,” he says and Liam looks so _pleased_ , ducking his head at the compliment.  
  
“Thanks,” he says.   
  
He has more money than them, Louis reasons in his head, of course he looks better. Liam’s eyes dart to Louis quickly and Louis doesn’t _blush_. He just nods his head, his throat dry. _God_.   
  
“What did I do?” Liam asks Louis, shoving his one hand in his pocket and standing behind Louis.  
  
Louis looks at the both of them in the floor length mirror and wants to die a little bit.   
  
“Remember when I jumped off that guy’s shoulder at the festival and broke my wrist?” Louis asks, lifting his wrist up in front of him.   
  
Liam reaches for it from behind him. Louis can see his eyebrows furrowed in the mirror, as if he’s remembering what happened and he’s still disapproving. He holds Louis’ wrist in one hand, careful with it even now, and thumbs at the scar tissue with the pad of his thumb in a way that feels worlds different from Zayn’s touch. It makes Louis’ skin buzz and his spine contract.  
  
“Yeah,” he says, touching Louis’ wrist as if he’s still soothing him.  
  
Zayn clears his throat.   
  
“That was a good weekend,” Louis says hurriedly, pulling his wrist out from Liam’s grip and turning around. He steps away from Liam and closer to Zayn, starting to fuss with his tie. Zayn stares at him with his beautiful big eyes. It usually makes Louis feel really calm but it makes him feel sweaty and prickly under his suit. Guilt?  
  
“That was a terrible weekend!” Liam says, shaking his head. “You _broke_  your wrist! You cried like a baby when the pills wore off in the morning.”  
  
“I did _not_ ,” Louis squeaks in outrage and tries to go for Liam’s nipple through his shirt.   
  
Liam intercepts easily, grabbing his hand and holding on as he turns to tell Zayn the story again. He doesn’t let go until he tells him the whole story of how Louis insisted he didn’t have to go to the hospital when they got back home and then woke up in tears with a swollen wrist. Louis doesn’t pull away this time.  
  
He doesn’t tell Zayn how Louis was still a little bit fucked up in the morning when he took him to the hospital, _everyone_  was fucked for a little bit after the festival - Niall threw up in the middle of a friendly neighbourhood footie game three days later. He doesn’t tell Zayn about how he wiped at Louis’ face and calmed him down. He doesn’t tell him he stayed until he got his wrist fixed and made him tea and did all of Louis’ biddings for a few days. At least until Louis started abusing his power and started demanding sponge bathes and massages. That was probably a good call on Liam’s part.   
  
Zayn sighs at the both of them.  


~

  
  
Louis thinks he could possibly fall in love with Lee. Maybe if he just kept up the prolonged exposure to him, if he got to know him better. He’s pretty sure it will work, he has to be, because if it doesn’t - he’s spectacularly screwed. He makes an effort to stay over at Lee’s flat more often, tries to keep some of his stuff there so it feels like _something_. He goes out to lunch with his group of friends and stays on his best behaviour. He thinks it’s working, they’re compatible in the first place and they _like_  each other.  
  
He thinks everything’s going great, considering. Of course that’s when Lee breaks up with him.  
  
Liam comes home to find him on the couch, miserably staring at the empty telly screen and he goes right back out to get some hard liquor. Louis is not going to lie, he might have cried a little bit before Liam got home. It's just. He feels like pure and utter shit. It was working out with Lee for a while, for a longer time than Louis was used to, and he was so sure it was going to be okay.   
  
Lee was kind but honest and kissed him on the forehead before he left.   
  
“We had fun, Lou, but we both know it’s not going anywhere.”  
  
“It could be. I’m - _please_.”  
  
“You’re going to need to confront it sooner or later, I don’t want to be your crutch anymore. I still care for you, Louis, it’s not because I don’t.”  
  
Louis feels fucking horrible. He didn’t have the courage to end it himself, he wanted to be kept in the safe end of the pool. He wanted to fall in love with him but he couldn’t.   
  
Liam comes back with a bottle of vodka and a big hug. His old, faded university hoodie is warm and smells like comfort. Louis tells him how Lee broke up with him but he doesn’t tell him why, he just hides his face. They pass the bottle of vodka back and forth for a while, sitting on the opposite ends of the sofa. It’s pretty grim.  
  
"I'm sure it'll be fine,” Liam finally says. Louis knows he’s thinking about Zayn and Perrie, how they’ve split up a dozen times only to get back together every time. "You guys seemed like," Liam clears his throat, "like you were really in love. It will work out.”  
  
Louis just shakes his head, feels the ache ball up in his throat, threatening to split him in half. “He’s not going to want me back.   
  
"What - what happened?" Liam asks tentatively.  
  
Louis has slid down while they’ve been drinking, curled towards Liam so he could nudge him with a toe if he wanted to. Liam hasn’t touched him after the initial hug. Louis wants to ask him what’s wrong but he doesn’t know how to bring it up. It’s not a big deal, it’s just unbalanced and Louis is not used to it. He’s too fucked up at the moment to remember how to make it work, how to be normal.   
  
"He doesn't want me," Louis says selfishly, holds back the truth, that it was Louis who didn't want him from the first place.  
  
"Lou," Liam says, softer, reaching for his ankle. He wraps his big hand around it, tugging at it, pulling Louis closer. When Louis looks up, he's got an odd look on his face, it makes Louis' heart catch in his throat. "C'mere," he finally says and Louis doesn't hestiate to crowd into his space, surrounds himself with Liam.  
  
"I could make you feel better," Liam says, his voice raspy. He looks unsure and heartbroken and Louis doesn't understand.   
  
He reaches for him, his thumb gentle as it strokes against the heated skin around Louis' eyes.   
  
"Zayn said," Liam starts and has to swallow hard, his voice wavering.  
  
"What?" Louis asks, suddenly filled with dread.  
  
"He said I looked like him, a bit, I could - " Liam cuts himself off and bites at the plump of his bottom lip. Louis blinks down, startled momentarily at how close they've gotten. "You could pretend.”  
  
And then it hits Louis. He _gets_  it. He doesn’t let himself think about it any further, not what Liam’s offering to do for him or whether that’s really a good fucking idea to let him. He takes it, he’ll take whatever he can get - whatever Liam’s offering.   
  
Louis makes the first move, his heart stuttering in his chest. He closes the gap between them and kisses Liam. He knows it’s a bad idea, it’s a terrible idea - Liam doesn’t _know_  what he’s offering to Louis. He’s just being Liam, he’s being Louis’ best mate who doesn’t want to see him suffering, trying to help him the only way he sees how. Louis feels like crying but all he does swipe his tongue against the seam of Liam’s mouth and holds on.   
  
Liam kisses him back, curling his hand around the warm nape of his neck and slotting their mouths together, licking into Louis’ ready mouth. It’s like everything Louis thought it would be and better. Liam’s strong and he responds to Louis’ push and pull. It’s like one of their wrestles, Louis struggling to pin him down, climbing into his lap. Liam letting him have it, too busy kissing his mouth before he fights back.   
  
Louis feels like he needs to take control of it, even if it’s only because he’s so close to losing it already. His winning streak doesn’t last too long and Louis finds himself landing on his back, Liam hovering over him with a quirk of his lips, his eyes dark.   
  
“I win,” Liam says.  
  
Louis wants to tell him he can have it, whatever he wants. Louis just pulls him back down, kisses him and lets himself be manhandled around. He likes it, he likes it being Liam too.   
  
And then Liam’s kissing his jaw gently, his beard against the sensitive skin of his neck. It takes a while for Louis to realise Liam’s murmuring something against his skin, nosing at the ticklish spot under his hear. “I could make you happy.”  
  
“Okay, alright, alright,” Louis says, rolling his hips up so Liam can get a hand on his arse. He’s already half-hard in his trousers and he moans, chasing the friction.  
  
Liam manages to split the fly of Louis’ trousers open with one hand, still murmuring things that he can’t make out now, trying to ruck his shirt up at the same time. He doesn’t waste any time, sliding his hand into Louis’ briefs and kissing the sounds that spill from his lips. It doesn’t take long for Liam to be thumbing at the slick tip, pausing so he can tilt his head down and watch the shiny pink head of his cock disappear in the circle of his palm.   
  
Louis tugs at his briefs impatiently. It takes him a second to realise he can’t get them off unless he takes his trousers off as well. He desperately wants to be naked but he doesn’t know how to go about it without making Liam move away for one second. It’s solved for him when Liam pulls his hand out of his pants, giving Louis a little smile when he makes a squeak of protest. He starts licking at his own hand instead.  
  
“Ahh fucking hell,” Louis says stupidly, mostly to himself, watching his swollen pink lips sliding against his palm.   
  
He manages to wriggle his trousers and pants down to his knees by the time Liam gets his hand back on his cock, hot and slick with spit. Louis doesn’t feel like he’s drank all that much anymore, he distantly thinks he wouldn’t be coming like _this_  if he had. He strokes him through it, pressing sweet kisses to Louis’ slack mouth, hugging the arch of his body to him.   
  
"Jesus, you haven't even got your trousers open," Louis finally says when he remembers how words work. He waves vaguely at Liam's trousers as if he's about to have a go at them but Liam just sits back on the couch, his cock a thick line trapped in his jeans and shakes his head.  
  
"It's about you, remember?" Liam says, his sticky hand still on Louis' thigh. "I want to make you feel good."  
  
"I think it's a done deal, mate," Louis says blearily, gesturing at the mess on his stomach.  
  
Liam smiles but it falls short, goes a bit wobbly and Louis looks away. Liam licks between his forefinger and thumb and ducks his head down to lick and suck at his come. Louis’ hips jump and he’s gasps, still too sensitive, his body so easy under Liam.   
  
"Turn around," Liam says once he's done, carefully avoiding his cock.  
  
"You're going to kill me, Liam Payne," Louis says, hissing when he needs to move. He does what he says though, getting a knee up under him so he won't dirty the couch or rub his sensitive cock against the fabric.   
  
His cock fattens up again, too fast, as he smothers the noises into the pillow, Liam's hands spreading his arse, his tongue licking and fucking into his hole. He knows Liam’s fucked guys before, the period of mourning after he broke up with Danielle was like waking up to a surprise every morning, but he didn’t know he was this good.  
  
“God, Louis,” Liam says like he can’t get enough, biting at the curve of his arse.   
  
They don’t stay on the couch for much longer, both stumbling to get to the bedroom. Liam slicks up his fingers and Louis tries his best to keep his eyes open, to be able to watch Liam’s face because he’s staring down at where his fingers are disappearing into Louis. It’s something like awe on his face.   
  
Liam fucks him slow and steady and kisses him like he's not pretending to be someone else. He hides his face against Louis’ neck when he comes, hips stuttering, giving Louis what he needs. Louis strokes the back of his head, runs his fingers through his hair growing out from the buzz cut.   
  
Liam presses one last kiss to his cheek and pulls out gently, his eyes downcast. It makes Louis’ heart ache, he wants to tell him he’s not thinking of anyone else but his tongue swells up with all the words he can’t say and die in his throat.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His anger at Liam is melting away the longer Liam keeps touching him, as if he’s going to keep him. That’s not fair.

Louis wakes up and he’s alone in Liam’s bed. He gropes around blindly for a second, his hands fumbling with cool sheets. He even calls out his name, his throat still raspy from the night before, into the emptiness of the flat. He feels overwhelmingly more stupid when the seconds of silence turn into minutes and he’s still lying there expecting someone to reply. Liam would never leave him hanging.   
  
His head hurts and his arse is sore but it’s nothing to how suddenly split he feels. He clambers out of bed and heads towards the shower. He still checks the living room and the kitchen beforehand, his heart high in his throat. There’s nobody there.  
  
Louis stands under the steady stream of water and screws his eyes shut. He tells himself the truth, a bit of a reality check. Liam and Louis fucked when they were both drunk because Louis was _sad_  and Liam hates seeing his friends hurt and upset. And now he’s realised how wrong it was and can’t stand to be in the same flat as him. Louis shivers and turns the hot water down, takes the cold as his punishment for managing to fuck up every last good thing in his life.  
  
It started a very long time ago, of course, but it seems to have escalated in the last couple of years. He keeps failing at everything. He kept trying and he kept failing. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, he doesn’t understand why he’s like this. He doesn’t know why he can’t fix it even when he knows the problem. Even now, he’s so behind on university because he can’t seem to get his shit together. He’s the only one of his mates left at university, everyone’s moved on, they’re getting real jobs or making a name for themselves. They're getting married. Sean has a _kid_ now. He’s still trying to finish his degree and pray for a good outcome so he can get on with his Masters. He wants to start his career, he wants to wake up and not dread going to go to work and look after screaming children all day. Instead he has to focus on trying not to get fired from the grocery store down the road so he can pay the rent on time.   
  
Liam’s a completely different story. He’s long since graduated university, Louis went to his graduation and sat with his parents. He finished on time because he didn’t drink himself to death during his first year and forget to show up for exams. He didn't go on exchange, blow through _all_  of his money and credits and delay his graduation. He didn’t fail his attendance quota by thinking it’d be a great idea to go to France for the week.   
  
He’s done with school, he’s found a job that he seems to be good at and he’s getting paid well. He could afford to live by himself at this point, Louis knows it’s mostly their friendship keeping him there. Louis can’t afford it by himself, it’s a shitty flat but not the cheapest thing out there since it’s so close to their school. He has no reason to be sticking around like this and Louis has only been waiting for him to realise it.  
  
It was going to be sooner or later.  
  
Louis puts on his uniform and goes to work.   
  


~

He spends the whole day pressing his finger against the lovebite under his jaw and gazing into space at the cash register. His uniform collar is high enough to cover the bruise but he can’t help slipping his finger underneath. He’s still in somewhat of a daze. He wants to remember the night, he wants to remember that it happened. It wasn’t a figment of his imagination, not something he dreamt up while fucking someone else. There’s a dull hurt he can feel whenever he presses down. _Liam_  did that.

~

Liam doesn’t come home for two days.

He didn’t leave a note or a text message or anything. Louis went home and checked. He doesn’t know if the limit of feeling his stupidity exists. He calls him a couple of times, finally stopping when he realisation hits him. There’s a cold sinking feeling in his stomach as he reminds himself that Liam isn’t his _boyfriend_. He wasn’t even a one night stand. He had just been trying to help Louis out in the worst way possible. He doesn’t owe him anything. 

~

When Liam finally strolls in through the front door, he acts like nothing is out of the ordinary, as if nothing had gone on between the two of them. He’s acting like no time has passed at all. It almost feels that way to Louis too. Louis couldn’t bring himself to go back into Liam’s room after looking for the nonexistent note, he left it exactly how he woke up to it two days ago.

Liam drops his overnight bag off into his bedroom and wanders into the kitchen where Louis is drinking juice from the carton and blinking stupidly.

“Did you buy the milk?” Liam asks, opening the fridge to check first before pouring the cereal out like Louis always does. He bends over and peers into the fridge before Louis can see his face.

Louis finally shuts his jaw. It just happened all of a sudden. He’d been thinking about Liam nonstop and now here he was, standing right in front of him. He snaps out of it, reminding himself it’s still just _Liam_.

“No, I forgot,” Louis says.  

"What else is new?" Liam asks but when he unearths himself from the fridge he's smiling fondly at Louis. 

Louis doesn’t know what to do for a second, confused. He takes him another second to get it.

“I was waiting for you to come home,” Louis says, swallowing the punch to the throat.

He’s only following Liam’s lead. They’re going to put it past them, act like nothing happened. He’s going to forget about it and they can go back to normal. Because it meant nothing.

“So you could taste if the milk was off,” Louis says, trying to sound defensive.

Louis always forces Liam to taste the milk when he thinks it’s gone off. It’s the closest thing to normal he can say to remind Liam that everything _is_  normal between the two of them. He got the message, he can do it too. It gives him a little bit more time to pull himself together when Liam reaches for the milk. He takes a gulp and makes a terrible face. 

“I - where were you?” Louis asks, curiosity getting the better of him. He hopes he’s keeping his face straight, he was worried sick. “I thought you were left dead in a ditch somewhere,” Louis continues. _After I woke up alone_.

"I was just at Soph's for a couple of nights. I was helping her out, she lost her cat," Liam says as if that makes sense.

Liam does this sort of thing. He helps people but he helps the people he loves the most. He can’t stand seeing the people he loves being upset. That’s why that time Harry fucked up his final assessment in second year and cried his eyes out Liam went to the unit coordinator’s office on his behalf and tried to appeal for it. Or that time Niall hurt his knee and Liam unnecessarily carried him around everywhere for ages. Or how he used to buy some of Zayn’s art anonymously online when he wasn’t doing that great and hanging it up in his room at Wolverhampton so he wouldn’t find out.

He’s Liam. He’s just trying to help. 

~

Louis can’t stand being in the same flat as Liam, not when he has to keep pretending like this. He should be used to it by now, pretending, but not like this. He can’t keep acting like nothing’s changed when Louis can feel it in his teeth - it feels wrong. This isn’t right.

He goes down to the pub Niall works at and drinks and drinks and drinks.

“Why did he leave?” Louis asks, propped up against the bar on his elbows. “Why did he go?” he asks, distantly thinking he’d be really embarrassed if he was sober. He’s glad it’s Niall.

“Aw, mate,” Niall says, pausing from wiping down the bar. 

Louis blinks and tries to look around. They’re already closing down. He doesn’t know when Niall started cleaning or when everyone started to trickle out. 

Niall grabs Louis on the way out and props him up against the wall as he locks up. 

“Maybe it was for the best. Did Lee say anything else about it?” Niall asks, continuing on the conversation. He throws Louis’ arm around his shoulder and starts to walk them to Louis’ flat. 

Louis almost laughs. Niall’s talking about the wrong person. He just touches Niall’s bright hair because he’s kind of precious and needs to be protected at all cost. He’s glad he doesn’t live that far away from his pub, he doesn’t think Niall can drag him along too far. Louis shakes his head silently when Niall turns wide, worried eyes towards him.

“Love you,” Louis says as they wait for Liam to open the door. He forgot his keys. 

"Love you too," Niall says. 

The door opens and the first thing Liam says is, “fuck.”

Louis feels himself being handed over to Liam wordlessly. Somewhere along the way he must have shut his eyes because the world isn’t spinning anymore. He can’t stand to keep looking anymore, not at the fluorescent lights flickering in the hallway, Niall’s blonde hair, Liam’s fucking face. Liam’s sturdy against him, instantly steadying him with his hands with Louis sways.

“Thanks, mate," Liam says to Niall, his voice quiet and sincere.

“No worries,” Niall says and Louis can almost see that bright fake smile he’s trying to pull through. “Just. Take care of him, yeah? I don’t think he’s okay,” Niall says when he can’t quite manage, sounding sad and worried. Louis wants to make that go away. 

“I’m fine,” Louis says, trying to push himself away from Liam. He can stand on his own two feet. It’s just that he’s so _so_  tired. It’d be too easy to just close his eyes and fold against him. 

“I - I’ll try,” Liam says and then suddenly, it’s just the two of them left.

Louis wants to tell him he’s such a jerk, such an _asshole_ , but he can’t when Liam’s being nothing but gentle. He closes the door behind them and lets them both fall onto the sofa in the living room. Louis wants to tell him he didn’t appreciate being talked abut like he wasn’t standing right there but then he gets distracted by the sofa. A lot has happened on this sofa.

“You alright, sweetheart?” Liam asks softly, swiping Louis’ beanie off his head. He sets it down somewhere, the most important thing is his cool hand sweeping his hair off his hot forehead. 

Louis just shakes his head in misery. His anger at Liam is melting away the longer Liam keeps touching him, as if he’s going to keep him. That’s not fair. 

He finally opens his eyes to see Liam. _All_  he sees is Liam. He’s only in his boxers, which explains all the smooth skin, and his hair is sleep rumpled. There’s a pillow crease dug into his right cheek.

Liam hasn’t touched him since the night. Louis was hurt, mostly, angry too. It was like meeting him for the very first time again.  It’d be so horrible, feeling like it was their first year knowing each other, all caught up in each other’s misunderstandings. Trying to avoid each other without avoiding each other. But Louis must look even worse than he thought because Liam doesn’t hesitate to touch him now.

“C’mere,” Liam says heavily, taking him into his arms. He keeps stroking his hair, letting Louis hide his face against his neck. His skin is so soft and warm from sleep. This isn’t _fair_.

Louis pulls back with some difficulty, his eyes gone teary somewhere along the way. He feels like his heart is going to explode, it’s not _fair_. He looks down at Liam’s lips instead, his own parted in offering. Louis realises he’s shaking, he’s _waiting_. He’s waiting for Liam to say no.

Liam kisses him instead, steady, warm and calming. Louis feels it like a wave of relief. But he doesn’t want calm, he’s bursting at the seams. He licks at the part of his mouth, biting down on his plush bottom lip, claiming claiming claiming until Liam gives in to him.

“I need you,” Louis says brokenly, pressed up against his mouth. “Please don’t go away."

Liam stills around him. Then the hand around his hips tighten, fingers flexing. He shakes his head wordlessly but he doesn’t let go and Louis doesn’t know what that _means._

“Let’s get you to bed,” Liam says, helping Louis to his own bedroom.

He doesn’t want to sleep alone but he doesn’t say this, he doesn’t say anything. He just walks ahead of Liam, Liam’s hands on his waist. 

Liam takes his shoes and trousers off and helps him in. He stares down at Louis in bed for a moment, biting on his bottom lip. He gets in next to him. 

“Yes, yes, thanks you,” Louis murmurs, pleased at having got what he wanted, the tightness in his chest easing. He’s playing at being okay.

Liam breathes out funny at that, a little bit like a laugh. He kisses Louis once more, chaste, barely anything at all before turning him around and spooning up securely behind him.

“Sleep now, yeah? We’ll talk in the morning,” Liam says, his voice low and warm and Louis is throughly persuaded.

~

 

Louis wakes up with a calloused hand palming his stomach, circling around and around. He’s half hard and there’s someone sucking at his neck, a hint of stubble against the sensitive, ticklish skin. He also has a headache the size of a mammoth and it feels like a small animal has died in his mouth but there’s more pressing matters at hand. It’s very conflicting.

“How’re you feeling?” Liam asks him because he _stayed_  and he’s in Louis’ bed and he’s got a hand up Louis’ shirt.

“Like shit,” Louis croaks out, not sure what to do. He doesn’t want to spook him off again. 

Liam laughs, kissing his cheek, his jawline. It makes Louis relax immediately, a soppy smile spreading on his lips as he melts back against him. He’s glad Liam doesn’t try to kiss his mouth because he doesn’t think he’d have been able to resist and that would definitely have made Liam run screaming. 

“Let’s see if I can make you feel any better,” Liam murmurs before he’s turning Louis onto his back and disappearing under the blankets. 

“Okay, alright, okay,” Louis says, caught off-guard, his voice embarrassingly high.

Liam pulls at the waistband of his pants and Louis blushes as his cock slaps against his own skin. His body is so _easy_  for him. Liam pulls his pants down his hips and immediately gets his mouth on him, licking at the length of him laying flat against his navel. Louis squeezes his eyes shut, his hips twitching involuntarily, his toes curling. 

Liam sucks him off so slow and sweet, it feels like he’s floating. 

~

They don’t end up talking about it. It’s like some kind of unspoken agreement, an arrangement of some sort. Louis thought Liam would want to talk about it - he’s the type to want to hash everything out. He doesn’t say anything and Louis isn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. It’s hard to feel so terrible about it when Louis is stroking him off, watching his eyelashes flutter, stunned that he gets to have this.

The sad thing is, Louis thinks this is the closest he’s being to being happy in a long time. 

~

He just wishes Liam would kiss him again. He doesn’t, not after the night Louis came home drunk and in tears. He’ll spend ages just teasing Louis, bringing him to the edge and back down again, leaving lovebites and bruising kisses on the insides of his thighs but he won’t _kiss_  him. It took him a little bit to figure out.

They’re all down at their favourite pub, all five of them for the first time in a long time, and Niall’s moaning about the terrible lack of Harry since he started his nursing placement down at the hospital. Harry’s only gone for to the toilet for five minutes but Liam ends up losing a confusing bet and having to kiss Niall on the mouth. And he does, no hesitation. He holds his face in his hands and kisses him thoroughly, enough for Niall to come out the other side pink and giggling, the memory stored on Zayn’s phone for Harry to see.

Liam will kiss Niall as a _joke_  but he can’t stand to kiss Louis again. It keeps eating away at Louis, right his heart, even though his brain keeps telling him he should be grateful for what he can get. 

Liam kisses little puppies in the park. He kisses Harry when he throws a fuss about Niall getting a kiss from Liam when he’d been trying since he met him. He kisses his _phone_  when he finishes talking to his nana. 

But he won’t kiss Louis.

~

But other then that, life goes relatively back to normal. They go back to the way they used to be, the only exception now is that they fuck sometimes. Louis knows it’s not a good idea, he can’t think of a situation where this would end well, but he’s not thinking about that while Liam’s got him bent over the kitchen counter. He’s not _thinking_ , he won’t allow himself to.

It’s not like they act any differently with each other in front of their friends, they’re not any more or less touchier than they used to be. Zayn doesn’t notice. It’s a miracle but it’s a given, he’s not noticing much but his impending wedding. 

He’s stressing out a lot more than Louis expected. Louis this it’s his duty as his best man to chill him out. 

It’s how he ends up at Zayn’s apartment at 2 in the morning, smoking a bowl and cuddled up in a hoodie, melting into his less than comfortable futon. It’s his apartment until they get married and they’re moving in together to a better place. Louis is not going to miss the mouldy bits. 

“What’s that?” Zayn asks, eyes lidded.

He lazily traces the love bite on Louis’ collarbone, his eyes flicking up to see what Louis has to say. Louis heart immediately jumped, sweat starting to prickle uncomfortably under his arms. His blood sounds loud in his ear. Before he can come up with a decent answer, Zayn interrupts him.

“Mate, have you met someone else?” Zayn asks incredulously.

“Yes!” Louis lies through his teeth and doritos, trying to think on his feet. “It’s been alright. Better than alright. I really like him.” He pauses, gazing at his fingers silently.

“Oh, thank god,” Zayn says, relaxing further against him. “I thought you might do something stupid after Lee broke it off. About Liam, I mean. I talked to Pez and we agreed maybe I was being a bit pushy about it all.”

Louis doesn’t know what he means except expecting Louis to do something stupid is a given. He’s not surprised about that 

“But this is good! It’s good,” Zayn says excitedly. “You’re going to have a plus one at the wedding and you won’t be all sad over Liam."

“Yeah, mate,” Louis says because he feels guilty more than anything else. He’s not Zayn’s responsibility, he shouldn’t have to be taking care of him like this. Zayn’s _his_  responsibility, he’s supposed to be the one taking care of him, take some of the burden off of his shoulders instead of adding onto them.

“Let’s smoke the rest,” Louis says and waits for the fist bump. 

~

 

After their initial period of petty bickering and fights, Louis didn’t find it that hard to figure Liam out at all. It seemed impossible at the very start, looking at this boy with his mop of curls, the look on his face when Louis vomited in the garden outside his room after a night out. 

They stopped having secrets with each other, not when they realised how rewarding honesty could be. It feels like all Louis is doing nowadays is keeping secrets from Liam, keeping them guarded close to his heart because he wants to protect Liam, keep him shielded from the hurt. Their relationship is evolving and Louis isn’t sure if it’s a good thing. They’re closer than ever, whispering things in the dark against each other’s skin, things they forget in the morning, but it feels like Liam’s closing himself off. 

~

Liam fucks Louis in the shower, one hand around his throat, not gripping or choking, just holding him, and another tugging at his cock. Louis can’t remember exactly how it happened, he was probably being annoying and demanding to shower when Liam had already started. He thinks it’s a little bit fucked up, he doesn’t know when he started not being able to ask for the things he wanted. 

Liam’s mouth is hot and lush as he kisses his shoulder, the water running cold around them. Louis tilts his chin back, offering up his neck, wants Liam’s mouth to follow the path of his throat to his mouth. He loves the feeling of Liam draped across his back, his hips pumping behind him, the hand stroking so slowly over his cock. 

Liam stops touching his cock, warm hand sliding over the suds still on his belly. Louis makes a small sound that’s too loud in the bathroom as Liam thumbs at his nipple, the slick friction sending shivers up Louis’ spine.

“Think you can come like this?” Liam asks, his voice _wrecked_. He kisses the nape of his neck, his cock sliding in and out of him steadily. “Just with my cock in your tight little hole.”

Louis has to squeeze his eyes shut, his body going hot with it. He wants to turn belly up and give everything to him. He can’t have ever imagined his best mate to be like this in bed. Or in the shower. It drives him insane. He’s so turned on, he wants to let go of the shower wall and start wanking himself off, he doesn’t even need the shower, he’s so wet already.

“Fuck,” Louis groans, keeping his hands on the tile. 

Liam pulls out slowly until it’s just the tip of his dick in him, biting lightly at the junction where his shoulder meets neck. He thrusts slow and shallow, angling until Louis reaches up on his toes like the breath’s been punched out of him. He keeps going, rubbing at his nipple with his hand, skating his other hand up and down his back like he’s soothing him. Louis blushes at the picture he must make, back arched, cock hard and hanging untouched, his head tilted back like that, so _desperate._ He imagines it from Liam’s point of view, watching his cock disappearing inside like that.

“Please,” Louis says, whimpering, his body going hot and cold at the stimulation. He screws up his toes at the cold tiles of the shower floor. 

“You’re doing so well, darling, you’re being so good,” Liam says and starts thrusting faster, harder, trying to hit his prostrate with each stroke, his breath stuttering.

Louis is already on the edge and he comes, just like that, when Liam rubs his fingers at his lips, pushes them in. He sucks at them hungrily as he comes, his mouth slacking as he starts to come down. 

“You were - god - you were so _good_ ,” Liam says, running his hands all over his sides, keeping him close as he thrusts into him. “Fuck, you’re amazing, I could spend days fucking you, so _gorgeous_ ,” he says against Louis’ wet skin, listening to Louis’ breathing calm down. 

He pulls out and rubs his cockhead against the crack of Louis’ arse a few times, wanking himself off hard and fast, before he comes all over Louis’ still-arched back. 

“Jesus Christ,” Louis says, turning around, reaching for his heated cock, petting it softly in between them.

Liam’s eyes are sleepy and hooded but so fond. He rests his head against Louis’, one hand cupping his jaw, his mouth parted as he gazes at him, their bodies flush against each other. Louis wants to kiss him so much, just lean forward and lick at his open mouth while Liam’s still fuck-stupid. But Liam pulls himself away, body moving tired and slow. He finishes cleansing the both of them off, Louis stewing in disappointment to really participate. 

“I - good night,” Liam says in the hallway. He’s holding a towel around his waist like they didn’t just fuck in the shower. Like they hadn’t just made a right mess of the each other. 

“You’re not coming?” Louis asks before he can help himself. 

Liam hesitates. He takes a step towards Louis, a hand reaching out for him before he falls back, shaking his head. “I’ve gotta get up early tomorrow. We’re not going to be able to get out of bed on time if…”

It’s very obvious what the if is but Liam raises his eyebrows anyway.

Louis snorts before he can help himself, rolling his eyes. “Alright. Thank - Good night.”

He closes the door to his bedroom and waits. He listens to the long pause and then Liam’s footsteps falling away, his door shutting too. 

~

Louis tries to keep it normal between them. He tries to be how they used to be. He picks fights over who has to clean the bathroom and throws groceries at Liam. He orders take out for the both of them and falls asleep watching Law and Order reruns on the couch with Liam. The difference is Liam is rarely there when he wakes up anymore. Louis keeps trying.

They still wrestle like they used to but nowadays it keeps escalating. 

Louis doesn’t start his wrestles with that in mind, they just always kind of seem to happen when he’s near Liam and also a flat surface. Louis reasons that it’s not his fault since everyone seems to want to tackle Liam. It’s what he gets for being so tall and sturdy looking. Harry and Niall, to varying degrees of success, regularly climb him like a tree. It’s not _just_  Louis.

That’s how Louis ends up on the couch, straddling Liam and trying to pin his wrist down over his head. Liam takes it all in good fun until his competitiveness starts to kick in and he gets that serious look on his face. He pulls his hand out of Louis’ grip, getting to work on pinning Louis down instead. Louis did try to fart in his face, he might deserve this. He doesn’t get the chance to pay Louis back in full because Louis is faster than Liam and he’s figured out the spot behind his ear that makes Liam go _boneless_.

"That's cheating," Liam growls and Louis grins, rocking his hips down against Liam's because he might as well do it right.

That's until Niall bounds into the living room, holding a bag of groceries and the key between his teeth. It’s for pre-drinks. Harry wanted to make rainbow jello shots. 

Maybe it was the wrong time to initiate a wrestle with Liam. Louis doesn't even have the time to get off Liam and settle back into the seat. Niall doesn't look perturbed. He looks at the both of them, at Louis and his pinked cheeks and messy hair, then to Liam straddled underneath his thighs. He shrugs.  

"Why are you always wrestling?" Harry asks, coming up behind Niall. He hooks his chin over his shoulder and makes a face, as if he didn’t literally koala bear hug Liam in the middle of the street a couple of weeks ago. Liam’s just really climbable. 

"Because," Louis says, in that tone that he likes to use, the one where he suggests everyone else is stupid no matter how ridiculous the thing he is saying actually is. "Because Harold, how else am I going to keep fit. For wrestling is what I do when I want to keep fit. For wrestling is what we were and are doing right now."

"Weirdo," Niall says but he's laughing. "Liam, get him in the ribs where he's ticklish," he says instead. 

Harry looks at him like he's lost it a bit but Louis looks away too fast for him to see what’s on his face. Niall and Harry walk away into the kitchen, bickering about the exact sequence of colour of a rainbow jelly shot. Liam does get him in the ribs and manages to tip him over, crowding into his space so everything else is blocked out but  _Liam_ , his shoulders and his triumphant grin and the way his fingers are working at the sensitive skin of his ribs to make Louis laugh and squirm. 

It’s out of the blue. Liam stoops down and kisses his cheeks where his eyes crinkle up. He pulls back, his eyes warm. Then he changes abruptly, pulling back further. He looks frustrated and let down. Louis looks up bewildered, wondering what he’s done. 

“I’ll go see if Zayn needs anything else for the stag do,” Liam says and gets off him, fleeing from the room. 

Louis finally catches his breath, his chest heaving silently. The thing is, it felt like Liam was more frustrated and disappointed in himself than anything else. 

~

The five of them go out that night for Zayn’s stag do. It’s a reality check for Louis, the year is moving so fast. Zayn’s getting _married_ in a couple of weeks. 

Louis miraculously wakes up in his own flat and not in a pile of his own vomit. He crawls out from underneath Zayn because obviously the most dignified way to send Zayn off was to get into a drunken boy pile after hitting up the best strip clubs in the city. He kicks Niall by accident but Niall only gives a loud grunt before rolling over and falling back asleep. He farts once and his snoring resumes again.

Louis snorts, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. He’s not hungover, which doesn’t make sense because he doesn’t even remember all of last night. Maybe he’s still drunk and the hangover is just taking a little while to catch up and settle in. 

He walks into the kitchen, realising he’s only in his briefs and shirt when he sees Harry. Harry’s got Louis’ trousers wrapped around his neck like a scarf. Louis raises an eyebrow, he’s fully clothed which means it must’ve got pretty weird last night. Harry doesn’t end nights out with clothes on.

"Morning," Louis says, blinking the sleep from his eyes. 

Harry’s attached to Liam, literally glued to his back. He has his eyes closed, slumping all over him in a bear hug. He appears to have fallen asleep again, just standing up this time. His chest is pressed up against Liam’s broad back, his face pressed against the soft flannel of Liam’s shirt.

“Did he fall asleep?” Liam whispers, mouths really holding a cup of tea in his hands and holding very still. He's trying being thoughtful while one of his best mates have literally fallen asleep on him using him as a _wall_. 

Louis doesn't know why he feels a spike of something in his gut at the way Harry's wrapped all around him. He's taller than Louis, obviously, and he can hug Liam a whole lot better. He thinks he _must_ still be drunk. He loves Harry, Harry loves Liam, this is completely normal behaviour. Louis thinks it might be something like jealousy.  

"Yeah, he's gone," Louis says. He walks over to them and before Liam can protest and volunteer to stand there like an idiot for any longer. Louis slaps Harry's bum and slides his fingers into his long curls until his eyes blink open sleepily.

"Hey love," Louis says. "Go kip on the couch and I'll make you some tea."

Harry looks confused for a second but Louis tugs at his curls a bit, "And I'll give you a scalp massage. For last night. When I had those two lovely ladies at the first strip club gang up on you."

"Oh," Harry says, finally getting off Liam. “Heyyyy, that wasn’t -" he says but Louis' already pushing him out of the kitchen.

"That was nice of you," Liam says suspiciously, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure I made him do some bad things last night," Louis says vaguely because it's always true. Liam makes a face as if he's convinced that easily, which -  _rude_ , and moves aside for Louis to go make the tea for Harry. "I don't think it was all that horrible, Niall almost pissed himself laughing." He pauses, remembering the way Niall finally rescued him from the lap dances. He waited long enough for Louis to approve but then he went ahead and pressed his laughter against Harry's face, kissing his cheek repeatedly and looking adorable and in love in a strip club.

"You alright?" Liam asks, taking a sip of his tea. He looks disgustingly fine even though Louis made sure he drank as much as he did. 

"I'm fine," Louis says a bit snappily, scrubbing at his face with a hand before busying himself with tea. "I didn't drink as much as they did."

"That's not what I meant," Liam says and Louis just kind of wants to reach out and hurt him somehow, there's an itch under his skin and he wants to act out and be cruel just for the sake of it. Because he thinks he might be hurting a whole lot worse and he doesn't think it's very fair.

Louis turns around to do something,  _say_  something, but instead he finds Liam right there. He’s never seen him so _intense_. Liam’s a goofball of sunshine, they could probably power the earth with the strength of his dumb smile. He’s not used to him looking at him like this, all heavy and shooting heat. Liam kisses him, pressing him solidly against the counter and holding his face in both of his hands. Louis tries to rise up against him, push and pull and bite at his lips because _finally_  and what an _asshole_ but he finds himself melting into it, the irrational irritability starting to fade away with slow strokes of Liam's tongue, his lips plumping up, his body warm and solid against him.

"You sure?" he asks, resting his head against Louis', lips grazing the side of his ear.

"Yes," Louis breathes out and pushes him away. He grabs the tea he made for himself and for Harry and gets out of there, his cheeks still flushed, his whole body buzzing because it seems like his body's already wired to be so in tune with Liam's.

He crawls onto the sofa and lets Harry lay all over him, rest his head in his lap and curl up like one of those massive dogs that think they're actually a shihtzu. He's glad it's dark in the living room, the curtains are all still drawn and everyone's too sleepy and still drunk to notice anything different about him.

He thought it’d be triumphant. When Liam kissed him, it just reminded Louis of everything he couldn’t have. He sits there and drinks his tea and tries to pull himself back together, even if it’s just for a little while.

Liam doesn't come back but he makes breakfast for everyone and helps Zayn to the toilet when he wakes up and decides now is a good time to start puking.

~

Louis would stop it all but he can’t. The sex is great, the best Louis has ever had. Liam seems to have a sixth sense for what Louis likes, what gets him off the hardest, he seems to _know_  his body.

And Liam’s so _good_ with his mouth. 

He flattens his tongue against Louis’ soft nipple, he likes feeling it get hard between his soft, wet lips. He holds Louis’ hips down to the bed with one hand, using his other arm to prop himself up, the length of his body hovering above and out of reach just to be a fucking tease. He sucks at his nipple and Louis moans brokenly, whimpering when he sucks hard. His cock is just lying thick and untouched against his hipbone while Liam plays with his _nipples_  and he feels like he’s going to die.

The few times he’s walked in on Liam with anyone, he was already fucking them through the wall or the table or the mattress. Louis doesn’t know why he feels the need to go so slow with him, he’s not the most patient person in the world and it’s driving him crazy with need. Except he doesn’t want it to be over, tries to hold out every time because maybe he does like it, maybe he wants it to last longer, maybe he wants Liam to want him for longer.

Liam, the _asshole,_ snickers at the look on Louis’ face when he pulls away. 

“God, look at that,” Liam says, pressing a chaste kiss against his swollen nipple, flushed with colour. It matches the colour on Louis’ cheeks.

“You’re mouth,” Louis says before he can think better of it. He traces the shape of it with his thumb, pressing down on his bottom lip. Liam takes it into his mouth slowly, his eyes on Louis. “You make me crazy, I want you all the time."

Liam’s not smiling anymore. He pulls off his thumb and reaches between Louis’ legs instead, feels where he’s slick and stretched. His eyes close when Louis tightens around him with a moan. 

Liam lines his cock up, pushing in slow with his lips parted, staring down at where they’re joined in awe. He thumbs at Louis’ nipples, soft teasing touches at first before he gets distracted, fucking into him. He gazes at Louis the entire time, reaching down to pull his knees up flush against him, using it as a leverage to _fuck_  him.

Louis come before Liam does, Liam always seems to enjoy that, his hand tugging at his cock desperately. 

“I love you,” Louis says.

There’s a look of shock on Liam’s face before he’s coming too and then he’s hiding against Louis’ neck, shaking with it. Louis threads his fingers through his hair and holds him close, keeps his knees up and says it again, “Fuck, I love you, _I love you_.”

Afterwards, Liam gets up heavily while Louis doses in bed, _sated._ He sits down on the edge of the bed with his back towards Louis, shoulders hunched. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Liam says and his voice sounds almost devoid of any emotion. He doesn’t turn around to look at Louis. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice breaking.

He leaves the room while Louis’ still trying to piece together what’s just happened. It’s on the tip of his tongue, _what did I do wrong?_  


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You said,” Liam starts out bravely. He trails off, looking down and playing with his cereal instead. “You said don’t go away again.”

Louis puts his clothes back on because it feels wrong to be so naked at a time like this. He frets in his bedroom, pacing back and forth, the hem of Liam’s sweatpants dragging on the floor. He doesn’t know what to do. His heart is beating so fast. He knows he should talk to Liam but it’s what they’ve been avoiding for weeks now. Just the thought of it makes him sweat under his arms, his stomach dropping, his fingers turning into ice. He can’t do it.   
  
When he finally musters up enough courage to grab the door handle, he hears the front door slam shut. He turns around to look at the digital clock on his bedside table and realises it’s 2am in the morning. Louis crumples onto his bed, scrubbing at his face with his hand. He doesn’t know where Liam is going or if he’s coming back. Last time he didn’t come back for two days. There’s a voice niggling away at the back of his head asking if he’s even going to come back this time.  
  
Louis rubs at his eyes, trying to breathe evenly. He reaches for his phone.   
  
“Hey man,” Niall says. He sounds groggy and dumbfounded but he doesn’t start yelling at Louis which is a good start.  
  
“Hey,” Louis says, leaning against his pillow. “Can you, like, just…text me or something if Liam shows up?”  
  
Louis’ pretty sure he’s going to Niall and Harry’s. He wouldn’t want to disturb Zayn so close to the wedding. Maybe he’s going back to Sophia. Louis doesn’t fucking _know_.  
  
“Sure thing,” Niall says, he sounds a lot more awake. “Are you alright, Lou? Is he?”  
  
“Um,” Louis says. His throat feels thick and choked. “No,” he says, his nose stinging. “But some reassurance he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere would be nice.”    
  
“Do you want me to come over?” Niall asks. He can hear sheets rustling in the background. “Dammit Harry. Love, _love_ , get off my arm.”  
  
“Shhh,” Harry says, Louis can hear him trying to pull the phone away in his sleep.  
  
“It’s fine,” Louis says. “Just text me if he shows up. I’m really tired, bro, I’m - sorry I woke you up.”  
  
He hangs up before Niall can reply and concentrates on taking deep breaths.  
  
As much as everyone can agree that Liam is definitely not a friends with benefits kind of guy - Louis knows he isn’t either. He’s fooled himself and others, he’s done it well. If you can’t have something the next best thing you can do is pretend you didn’t want it at all.  
  


~

He realises what he said halfway during his shower. He bolts out, naked and dripping, forgetting to even grab a towel on the way. He almost brains himself when he falls down in the hallway, slipping on the droplets of water falling everywhere. He hops to his room, both of his hands covering one bruised knee, gritting his teeth. He starts trawling through his room for his phone immediately. 

He stops and takes the time to give himself a mental slap in the face. It’s exactly where he left it after talking to Niall - thrown on the bedside table.

There aren’t any messages or missed calls. He can make it right still.

He calls Liam in a panic. He pushes down the deep hurt in his chest when he doesn’t pick up, he was expecting it but it doesn’t make it any less easier. Liam never misses his calls. Once he left in the middle of an exam he spent weeks stressing out for, just to pick up the phone (Louis lost his passport and was stranded in France). The point is, he doesn’t ignore Louis’ calls. 

It goes straight to voicemail. Louis slows down the reeling in his brain and listens to his stupid voicemail because he’s a dumb idiot who also misses Liam’s dumb idiot voice. 

“I’m not able to pick up the phone at the moment, obviously, so, um, just leave me a message!” Liam says cheerily. There’s a brief struggle. “Liam’s a dickhead!” Louis hears his own voice shouting from the phone, Liam laughing for a second before it cuts off. 

He needs to make it right again.

“I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, fuck, Liam, I swear I didn’t! I just slipped out. It was part of, like, the moment. We were _fucking_. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say it. I don’t love you. Please don’t hate me.”

He hangs up the phone and immediately throws it onto his bed like it’s burned him. He stands there naked, bruised and dripping and gapes at his phone. He doesn’t know if that was the best idea. _I don’t love you. Please don’t hate me_.

What the fuck did he just do. What is _wrong_  with him.

“Why?” Louis asks the universe in general. He just keeps making things worse for himself.

~

Liam’s sitting at the breakfast table the next day. He’s eating cereal. Louis wasn’t able to get much sleep and he thinks he must be hallucinating for a second or two. He stands in the doorway and stares, momentarily pausing his usual morning belly scratch.

“Hi,” Louis says stupidly.

“Hey,” Liam says, his voice soft. He looks up for a second, the corner of his mouth looks like it’s about to lift at the sight of Louis with his hand up his shirt, but it drops before it ever gets there.

“You’re here,” Louis says, even more stupidly.

“You said,” Liam starts out bravely. He trails off, looking down and playing with his cereal instead. “You said don’t go away again.”

“I did?” Louis asks, his heart stuttering to a near stop in his chest. It sounds too honest for his liking, he vaguely remembers saying it out loud. Saying it to Liam. “I did.”

“Yeah,” Liam says and tries his hand at a smile, his eyes still downcast. 

“Thanks,” Louis says.

There’s something like hope ballooning in his chest with each passing moment. Maybe his apology _worked_  instead of fucking everything up even more. Maybe Liam's not freaking out anymore about the fact his best mate is in love with him. Maybe this doesn’t have to get all awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe he won’t have to deal with Liam’s pity, Liam feeling sorry for not loving him back. Maybe he won’t have to deal with not having Liam in his life. Maybe everything’s going to be _fine_.

Louis doesn’t know why he particularly feels like calling his mum and crying in a silent and manly manner as she goes about doing housework. 

“C’mon, it’s Zayn’s wedding tomorrow. We have a lot to do,” Liam says and puts his mostly full bowl of cereal away.

~

Miraculously, Liam doesn’t stay in the same room as Louis for more than five minutes at a time. Even when they’re all piling boxes into the back of Louis’ shitty little car, fairy lights and candles, he weaves in and out of everyone. Louis wouldn’t have been able to get a word in if he wanted to. 

“Haz, you’ll just have to sit on Niall’s lap. There’s not enough space,” Liam says.

“He’s going to wrinkle my shirt,” Niall says.

“No one’s going to notice,” Liam says, not unkindly. 

It’s probably true. There aren’t that many of them coming, just some very close friends. It’s going to be an intimate little wedding but it’s going to be the first. It’s Zayn and Perrie, it’s going to be special. 

“So much for romance,” Harry says. He’s wearing appropriate trousers but his button down shirt is gaping and he didn’t bother with a blazer. 

“Shouldn’t I go on top since I’m lighter?” Niall asks, grunting to accommodate Harry’s long legs. 

“Look, we’ve had this conversation -“

Louis walks away from the car, touching the hood momentarily to wish them luck for the journey. He hopes they’ll make it. He follows Liam to where the last few boxes are sitting. Their ties and blazers are draped over it.

“Liam,” Louis says, reaching out. He circles his hand around Liam’s wrist.

Liam pauses. He pulls his wrist out of Louis’ grip easily. He doesn’t look him in the eye but works on unrolling his sleeves instead. 

“Have you - where’s your phone?” Louis asks, his hand falling to his side.

“It’s dead,” Liam says, finally looking up. He seems glad that they’re not talking about the night before. “I was going to charge it at the motel. We’ve got to get going - can you get that?” he says, nodding at the box. He doesn’t wait for a reply, grabbing the box on top and walking away.

Louis stares at his retreating back in panic. He hasn’t heard the message. He didn’t hear Louis’ apology but he still came back. Louis looks at the state of his car, at his friends. He thinks of Zayn already at the wedding location with his future wife. Liam wouldn’t miss Zayn’s wedding. Of course he had to come back. 

~

Louis has been driving for half an hour when he realises that he did mean it. It’s not like it’s a big surprise. He knew it all along. Of course he had meant it, of course he loves Liam. The realisation doesn’t make his stomach drop. Fear doesn't spread through his veins like ice. He turns his head to the side to look at Liam in the passenger seat. Liam’s looking down at the map with a deep frown on his face. Louis took a wrong turn and Liam’s been trying to sort it out. Typical.

“Keep your fucking eyes on the road, Lou!” Niall shouts from the backseat, holding his arm out to catch Harry when Louis has to abruptly slam on the breaks. 

“Shit, sorry,” Louis says, turning around with an apologetic grimace. 

“Did he just _apologise_?” Harry mouths at Niall. It’s Harry so it comes out more of a loud whisper.

“Shut up,” Louis says, turning back to the front. He’s got a lot of things on his mind, he can’t keep up being a snarky asshole when his resources are being used up like this. He usually drives like an unapologetic maniac. 

Louis can feel Liam’s gaze on him. He feels triumphant, almost, to have his attention. Quite abruptly he feels like a fucking child - what the fuck is wrong with him. Liam stops looking at him without another word.

“Fuck,” Louis says. He only realises he’s said it out loud when Liam looks up from the map again.

 _Fuck_. 

~

The wedding is amazing and Louis is an even better best man then he thought he would be. Everything’s put on the back burner for a moment, just for Zayn and Perrie’s moment. The boys huddle around Zayn, the first one to get _married_. Louis stays back, holding onto Zayn’s shoulders. He’s speechless for the first time in his life. He finally opens his mouth to get something out.

“It’s alright, mate. I know,” Zayn says and smiles, huge and grateful. 

Louis can feel his nose going red. “Shut up,” Louis says and pulls him into a hug. “Don’t fall down or anything, wouldn’t want to look like a right prick in front of everyone.”

Zayn laughs and he sounds so _happy_. Louis can’t stop smiling as he lets him go.

Perrie is absolutely stunning when she walks down the aisle. She’s wearing a very simple white dress for a wedding dress but she’s holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. She crosses her eyes and sticks her tongue out at Zayn halfway down the aisle. Zayn snorts loudly and the quiet spell that fell under the marquee lifted. 

For the dinner afterwards, they move the chairs around and bring in some tables. Most of the guests are used as labour. Louis manages to make eighty percent of the room cry with his best man speech. He thinks he might’ve not fucked this up. He did okay. 

They’ve hung up fairy lights everywhere and for the reception. Harry’s brought an impressive range of handmade scented candles.

Everyone watches Zayn and Perrie’s first dance but to them it’s like nobody’s even there. Zayn, the boy who almost failed his last crazy random elective because he didn’t want to dance in front of _anyone_ , doesn’t care. He only has eyes for Perrie. Louis steals her from him afterwards, dancing with her so hard that her up-do starts to slide. 

It really is a beautiful wedding. If he could describe a wedding cozy and intimate, he would. 

 Jade came to the wedding with Danielle on her arm. The first thing Louis did was look for Liam, search out his face in the growing crowd. He just wanted to know if he was going to be okay. Now he’s sitting at one of the tables, stewing in his relief as he watches the both of them. Danielle goes over to say hello to Liam and he holds her so carefully, like she might break if he’s not careful enough. He tilts his head down to listen to her, leans into her touch when she reaches out to touch his face.

“Hey love,” Jade says cheerfully, plopping onto the seat next to him. She pretends she didn’t catch him staring at her girlfriend and Liam. “Can you believe Pez and Zayn are _married_  now?” she asks, biting into one of the home-made cupcakes she brought. 

Louis smiles at her, leaning over to kiss her hello. Jade offers him a bite of the cupcake, icing on her upper lip. 

“I know. Seems like just yesterday you were introducing them,” Louis says. “Fuck, Jade, these are really good.”

“Thanks,” Jade says with a wide smile, licking the icing off her upper lip when Louis points. “So. What’s going on with you and Liam, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Louis asks, shocked right out of the comfort zone he fell into with Jade. He sits up straighter automatically, his head turning to glance at Liam before he can stop himself. 

“Calm down,” Jade says with a laugh. “You look like someone just shoved up an eggplant up your bum.”

“Do not,” Louis says maturely, trying to relax his posture again. He eats the rest of her cupcake to spite her.

“You haven’t said a word to each other. You haven’t even _danced_  with each other. Remember when you made him do the worm and he smashed his chin on the floor?” Jade asks, trying to keep things light-hearted. Louis can still feel the side-looks she’s throwing his way.

“Fun times,” Louis says, looking down at his hands.

He traces the scar left on his wrist with his thumbnail. Liam and Louis spent ages drawing on his cast so it looked like it was part of Iron Man’s suit. They went through two packets of red sharpies. Liam thought it was the sickest thing ever, even Zayn had been impressed.

They _were_ fun times. And if he wants it to be like that ever again he needs to get the fuck over Liam.

“Lovers quarrel?” Jade asks gently.

When Louis looks up at her, her brown eyes are so kind. 

“No, nothing like that,” Louis says. “I think it’s going to be okay. It has to be.”

~

After Danielle and Liam are finished talking, she comes over to their table. She drops a kiss on Jade’s upturned face and takes a seat on her lap. Jade snakes her arm around her waist immediately. Louis talks to them for a little while longer until they decide they want to dance, Danielle leading Jade by the hand. He watches them on the dance floor, both lit up in their happiness. Danielle twirls Jade and he can hear her laughter from here.

“Hey,” Liam says.

Louis turns around in surprise, his heart stopping for a moment. 

“Are you having a good time?” he asks. It’s the most he’s said to Louis since they got to the venue. He looks good, of course he looks good. His hair’s now long enough to be put up into a quiff and his tie’s loose around his neck. He looks worn in and comfortable. 

“Yeah. I think I killed it. Being a best man, I mean,” Louis says, shrugging like it’s no big deal. He swallows hard. 

“You did,” Liam says with a smile. “You made everyone cry.”

“I have a way with words, what can I say,” Louis says, finding himself smiling back.

Liam shakes his head with a small laugh. “Can I - I need to talk to you.”

He doesn’t say anymore. He offers his hand to Louis instead. Louis takes it, following him out of the marquee, a short distance away from the celebration. He thinks Liam’s leading them all the way down to the beach but Liam stops abruptly when the noise dies down behind them.

“I thought I should tell you the reason I can’t do it anymore, why I don’t want to,” Liam starts, gently dropping Louis’ hand. 

“You don’t have to. It’s fucked up how we started it in the first place. You don’t owe me an explanation - you don’t owe me anything,” Louis says in a hurry, trying to cut in before he can explain himself. He doesn’t want to hear it. He gets it. It’s Louis. He doesn’t feel the same way, this wasn’t what he signed up for.

“I kind of need to tell you,” Liam says, chewing on his bottom lip. Louis does not get distracted. Otherwise he would have actually fallen over when the words, "I’m in love with you,” came out of his mouth.

“What,” Louis says. He feels like he’s been hit over the head with a bat. “What are you talking about? Me? _You_! Me?”

“Yes, Louis, you,” Liam says patiently, only rolling his eyes a little bit. Louis didn’t know love confessions came with eye rolling.  Nobody’s ever told him they loved him and rolled their eyes a the same time. Wait, _love confession_.

“What,” Louis says again, not much more intelligent than the first time around. “Wait. For how long? Are you _sure_?”

“For god’s sakes, I don’t know. For a very long time maybe. Remember in first year, my birthday?” Liam asks.

Louis does remember. It was soon after they’d started becoming somewhat friends. Louis didn’t know it was his birthday and they didn’t do anything special at all. They just spent the whole day together. They went for frozen yoghurt and caught three random buses to see where they would end up. He dared Liam to get on a pole and hold himself up with his upper body. He timed him and everything. Liam didn’t tell him throughout the whole day that it was his birthday. All he wanted to do on his birthday was chill out with Louis. 

An overwhelming wave of disbelief washes over Louis.

“That’s - that can’t be right. Liam, honestly, _me?_ You’re not in - you don’t fancy someone like _me_.”

“Shut up,” Liam says, not unkindly. “I do. I am. You don’t get to decide whether I’m in love with you, Louis, that’s _mine_. It’s a thing. Free will.” 

Liam looks down at his shoes, smiling with a look on his face like his world is caving in. Louis stops staring off into space because this is the worst conversation Louis has ever participated in. He just can’t _help_  it. There’s all these possibilities running through his head. It’s hard to believe in the first place but now he’s second guessing _everything_. He’s trying to think back, trying to remember if there was anything that Louis would have noticed. 

The look on his face when Louis finally found his way home from France.

The time Louis hurt his wrist and walked out of the hospital to see Liam chain-smoking for the first time in a year, his hands shaking, a deep crease between his brows. 

The offer to pretend to be someone else, to make Louis happy.

He stayed. 

“That’s a very long time,” Louis finally manages to say. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” Liam says and looking him in the eye. He looks pained, like he genuinely is sorry.

“I didn’t even realise,” Louis keeps going. He can’t stop now, his brain is reassessing everything that’s ever happened between the two of them. He’s seeing it in a different light, he’s still wondering if it could be true. 

“I’m glad, I tried,” Liam says.

He leaves before Louis can hold on to him. Before he can grab his arm and demand that he _explain_  himself. He leaves before Louis can even think of saying it back to him, telling him he loves him back. 

~

By the time Louis has stopped staring off into the sea in a trance, his heart thudding painfully in his chest, Liam’s gone. He needed the moment. He trusts Liam, he wouldn’t fuck him about like that, but somewhere along the way it got so hard for him to believe that Liam could love him. 

He finally starts to move, equal parts hope and panic fuelling him. Everything’s shifted, like Louis has taken off awful, blurry glasses. He runs back to the party and sees Jade and Danielle back in their seats. Danielle’s sitting in Jade’s lap again, playing with her hair and bobbing her head to the music.

“Dani, have you seen Liam?” Louis asks. He knows he must look all crazy-eyed, his hair messed up from the wind. 

Danielle and Jade stare at him incredulously for a moment.

“Yeah, he was just over there saying goodbye to Zayn? He’s heading down early,” Danielle says, putting a hand on his arm as if to calm him.

Louis starts off towards Zayn but she tightens her hold on his sleeve.

“I think he’s gone to his room to grab his phone, he’s taking a cab back,” Jade says.

She tries to ask him what’s wrong but Louis shouts a quick apology behind his shoulder instead and goes off running again. He finally finds him on the beach, pacing back and forth with his phone by his ear. He has one hand deep in his pocket, the other gripping a fully charged and operating phone. Louis stops dead and stares for a second, eyes wide. He hopes he’s talking to a cab company. He can make out the little crease in-between his eyebrows from the distance. He’s not talking to a taxi company.

Louis starts running and doesn’t stop when he gets to Liam. He uses the momentum and shock value of showing up out of nowhere to grab his phone off him. He yanks it off his ear and Liam just lets him, watching calmly as Louis tries to throw it into the sea. It’s just a little bit too far away and lands on the pebbles with a dull thud. 

“Fucking hell, Liam-,” Louis tries to speak but instead has to take in a shuddering, painful breath as his lungs complain.

“I’ve already heard the message,” Liam says, looking at where his phone’s landed in a sad heap a short distance away.

“You’ve got to hear me out but,” Louis gasps out, bending over with his hands on his knees.

“I know you didn’t feel the same way - I know it was for Lee, that’s why I wanted to stop. It’s okay, Louis, it really is.” 

And it’s the worst, Liam trying to sound brave.

“You shut up!” Louis says, too loud, too insane. “Sorry, that was a bit,” he waves his hand around, trying to catch his breath. 

Louis straightens up even though it hurts, his lungs raw and painful. He takes a proper breath, ignores the sharp pang in his throat and looks Liam in the eye. He lets it all burst out of him. 

“I meant it and I’m sorry for pretending I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry for saying _sorry._ I’m sorry for my entire existence, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t _notice_  you were in love with me or that I loved you back. I’m sorry I started dating doppelgängers. You don’t look like them, Liam, they look like _you_. I’m sorry I tried to throw your phone into the ocean.”

“Wait, slow down,” Liam says desperately, stepping closer, his hands hovering like he’s not sure what to do with them. 

“I’m sorry I’m such an emotionally constipated _dickhead_  and I’m sorry I ever made you feel like I was just using you for sex when it was _you_  I wanted all along.”

“Louis,” Liam says, calm again, his hands settling on Louis’ shoulder. He squeezes once but Louis can’t stop talking. 

“I’m actually really sorry that you’re in love with _me_ , me! Of all people! Because I am 100% a terrible person, really, nowhere near good enough and I feel like I’ll never stop apologising to you.”

“Stop,” Liam says again, a lot closer than before. “You’re not a terrible person. Like 62.8% of the time.”

“Thanks,” Louis says, sucking in a huge gulp of air. He almost chokes but Liam’s hands are travelling down his arm, over his wrinkled sleeves, touching the bare skin of his forearm. It’s calming, Louis tries to regulate his breathing. He can do this, he’s been breathing for how many years now.

“What doppelgängers?” Liam asks, pulling him in closer by the waist.

“Oh my god, I should write them apology letters too,” Louis says, stricken once again. He opens his mouth to explain about the doppelgängers but no sound comes out when he realises what Liam’s about to do. His heart jumps into his throat and he’s left staring up at Liam, nervous and on edge all over again.

“Louis, shut up and kiss me,” Liam says, his voice so fond, going softer before he pulls him in.

“Did you really just-."

~

They get back in time for the bonfire on the beach. The chairs have been dragged outside and placed around the fire. Perrie’s sitting in Zayn’s lap, her head tilted down against his smile. Liam and Louis go to sit by them and the rest of their friends. They’ve got a very long way to go but Liam sits down next to Louis, resting their hands on the arms of the chair. Their fingers brush against each other. It’s a start.

~

_Epilogue_

“Hmm, what about Thursday?” Louis asks, leaning against the kitchen counter with his elbows. He’s scrolling through his phone’s calendar. It’s hard not to get distracted by the kitchen counter. They’ve fucked on it more than once. Once before they even moved in, it was one of the deciding factors. It’s a solid kitchen counter. 

“I’ve got that late meeting, remember?” Liam asks from across him. He has his leather planner out in front of him, leaning his hip against the counter, his pen tapping at the pages.

Louis makes a noise at that, trying to find another opening in his calendar. He didn’t know when it became this hard to find a day when they were both free, now that they were both working so much. It’s how they can afford to stay at a place like this, bigger and better than the apartment they used to share near the uni.

“Friday?” Liam asks, looking up with a hopeful raise of his eyebrows.

“Afterwork drinks with people from the school. You wanna come?” Louis asks. 

The other teachers have met Liam a plenty of times. They love him but they’ve banned Louis from bringing Liam out with him because apparently they are “making cow eyes at each other” and “being inappropriate in public” and “really, Louis, if you can’t keep your hands to yourself we’re just going to have to ban you from bringing Liam to the pub”. Liam usually comes straight after work though and he looks so good in his suit and tie, his cologne fading, the products in his hair starting to drop a little bit. It just makes Louis want to _rub_  himself all up over him. He can’t be blamed.

“I can’t, I’ve got to look after Loki. You go, though, I want to know what happened with Susie on her date,” Liam says.

“Ever since you sent her those good luck flowers she thinks you’re way to good for me and is currently trying to set you up with her gay cousin from Montreal,” Louis says and blows a raspberry.

“Aw,” Liam says.

“Also, that reminds me. Poor Loki - we’ve got to get his cast removed on the Saturday,” Louis says. 

“How does that remind - anyway, I almost forgot about that. Thanks, love,” Liam says and jots it all down into his planner.

It makes Louis snort.

“Okay, what about this Sunday?” Louis asks. He has errands to run in the morning but he can just get them out of the way earlier in the week. He misses Liam and he wants to go on a fucking date with his boyfriend. 

“Yeah, that’s perfect!” Liam says enthusiastically, like they’ve figured out the last missing puzzle piece or something. He leans over the counter to press a quick kiss to Louis’ lips and then he writes it down in his planer.

It takes a second for it to sink in for Louis.

“Gross!” Louis shouts and leans forward to smack Liam’s planer off the counter. 

“What,” Liam says, staring after it in confusion. He doesn’t go to pick it up, he keeps still and doesn’t make any sudden movements because he knows better by now.

“We’ve become a boring, old, married couple, Liam!” Louis says. He looks down at the calendar app on his phone and makes a face. He chucks it away from him. Liam, thankfully, manages to catch it in one broad hand.

“No we haven’t,” Liam says, holding Louis’ phone against his chest for safe keeping. “And you didn’t have to throw my planner on the ground. You bought me that for my birthday.”

“Shut up,” Louis says. It’s a sturdy planner, it’ll be fine. “We’ve just planned out our entire week with each other. We have a schedule - and we _stick_  to it. Madness! We have a joint vet appointment for our dog.”

“We’re going _paint balling_ on Sunday, it’s gonna be sick,” Liam interjects. 

“We plan meals, Liam, MEALS!” Louis looks at Liam as if that’s a deciding point.

“I don’t think it’s that bad, being an old, married couple, I mean. Except the fact that we’re not really married. We’re not boring. Well, you’re definitely not boring,” Liam says, carefully putting Louis’ phone down on the counter. 

“And I eat these meals like I need to follow the plans or something bad might happen. We have plants and we water them regularly. What the fuck are we - wait, what?” Louis stops talking, stopping in his tracks to turn incredulous eyes at Liam.

“Yeah,” Liam says after a beat, his voice more sure than ever. He looks at Louis expectantly, a smile growing on his face. “You know what would be a finger to us being an old, boring, married couple? Getting married.”

“Huh,” Louis says, an answering smile starting at the corners of his mouth.

“What’s more fun and spontaneous and irresponsible than an impromptu wedding, right?” Liam asks.

“Liam,” Louis says. “You’re a fucking genius. Of course!”

Louis doesn’t realise Liam looked nervous until he doesn’t anymore, smiling so hard his eyes disappear. 

“You don’t have to convince me,” Liam says with a shrug.

“It’s a brilliant idea,” Louis says. 

Louis has to walk over to Liam’s side of the counter, carefully stepping over his planner so he doesn’t step on it. Liam turns around and leans back. Louis fits in between his legs easily, the two of them slotting together with long practised ease. 

“Louis, just to be clear, I am asking you to marry -“

“Shut up and kiss me,” Louis says, wriggling his eyebrows like a madman. It’s always going to come back to haunt Liam. 

But Liam does as he says and kisses the living daylights out of his fiancé.  


End file.
